The Day I Became a Study Abroad Parent

I put my son on a plane today.  He’s headed to Shanghai to study for 8 weeks at the University of Michigan – Shanghai Jiao Tong University Joint institute. I’ve written before in this blog about the benefit of international experiences, and this experience is going to make a huge difference to him. He’s stepping outside his comfort zone and will discover capabilities within himself that he does not know he has.  So why am I uneasy?

He’s talked about spending a summer in Asia since middle school. He’s now a young man just about to turn 22, and will realize this dream. He’s traveled overseas on shorter trips with me, and he’s even been to Shanghai before. He’s highly capable. I know that there will be unexpected challenges for him, and things will not go “according to plan.” But that’s the whole point: a huge part of the value for him will be learning to cope with the unexpected.  He’s well prepared for this.

But this blog is about me, and why I’m uneasy.  I really should not be: I’ve lived abroad several times, and know it’s doable, adventurous, and leads to growth; the folks in Ann Arbor who have arranged this program are amazing and I trust them completely; I’ve been to Shanghai many times, and I know most of the staff and faculty in China with whom he will interact.  With all this inside information and all these personal contacts, if I’m even a bit uneasy I can only imagine what other parents, lacking my contacts, might feel.

As we pulled away from the airport I picked up his smartphone, which is not going to China because the cost would be prohibitive.  It physically represents the loss of contact: I can’t call to see if he made the flight; I can’t email tomorrow to see if he arrived.  I probably won’t hear from him for several days.  The journey he’s launched is something like a test - the work will be his alone, and he will completely own the successes and failures of the adventure.  It’s that loss of control that causes my unease.  Seeing my son head to China is an act of faith: an act of faith in him.

It occurs to me that I too am going to learn something from his overseas experience.  I too am stepping outside my comfort zone and I too will discover something within myself.  But I don't yet know what.